Category Archives: Sex
This Thursday (21st March 2013) is LGF’s ‘Sex Tips Live’ night at the Eagle Bar, Manchester.
Hosted by the handsome Martin Coops Cooper the night promises to be a fun filled affair in game-show format – it will test how much you know about sex, safer-sex and how to get the most out of your man! There’ll be fun, games and prizes – not to mention alcohol. Plus visiting hunks from Manhunt.net on the premises. Oh and I’ll be there – in leather. What’s not to like?
The bar opens at 5pm and the fun kicks off around. The fun and games start around 8pm. Entry is free.
Come along, you just might learn a thing or two
For directions check out The Eagle Manchester’s website
For more on the Lesbian & Gay Foundation (LGF) check out their site.
See you then,
Well hello there,
This week I’m lucky enough to have a guest post from our favourite TV doctor and fellow Attitude columnist, the handsome Doctor Christian Jessen. In this post we won’t be discussing embarrassing bodies or healthy eating, but rather condoms – the simple tool for safer sex…
We all know that condoms offer us the best protection (98% effective when used properly) from both STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) and unwanted pregnancy, but are you sure that you’re using them correctly?
Don’t be so sure: a study of 1,400 teens by Southampton University found that 6% had put the condom on too late and another 6% took the condom off too soon.
Here are some simple DOs and DON’Ts to make sure you’re using your condoms properly:
- Only use approved latex or polyurethane condoms that bear the BS Kite mark.
- Make sure you have the right condom for YOU – just like penises they come in many sizes.
They can be measured for at home by you and ordered online to save any embarrassment.
- Check the date before you use it, out of date condoms become brittle and break.
- Make sure you have the condom the right way round BEFORE you apply it to the head of your penis.
- With one thumb and finger grip the tip of the condom to squeeze out any air, then use your other hand to roll the condom as far down as you can.
- Use a water or silicon based lube – this reduces friction and reduces risk of breaking the condom.
- If you’re having a long session consider taking a break and switching to a new condom.
- If you’re playing with more than one partner (lucky you) – use a different condom for each person. The same applies to sex toys, put on condom on them and change with every partner.
- Pull out whilst you’re still hard – making sure to hold the base of the condom.
- Throw it in the bin, don’t flush it.
- Don’t use an out of date condom – they can break more easily, and we don’t want that.
- Don’t bite condom wrappers open – you may damage the condom inside.
Remember that long nails can also cause damage to condoms.
- Don’t unroll the condom until you’re ready to roll it down and over your penis.
- Don’t use an oil based lube (this includes Vaseline and baby oil) – the oil weakens the condom and can lead to it failing.
- Don’t re-use a condom, this shouldn’t need saying but we’ll throw it in anyway.
- Don’t use two condoms at once – the friction between them can tear both condoms.
- Don’t use a condom and a female condom (or femidom) together for the same reason.
You can buy condoms at supermarkets, pharmacies and most convenience stores, if you’re too shy to do it in person why not order yourself some online from NHS Freedoms, and don’t forget that you can always pick some up for free from your local Sexual Health Clinic.
Doctor Christian Jessen
It’s 12:59 and I’m sat in the waiting room at the GUM (Sexual Health) clinic for my six-monthly check up. Thing is this isn’t just any GUM clinic however, this is the clinic that I was given my HIV diagnosis at nearly a year and a half ago. I haven’t been back since, until today.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been getting checked out every six months (not that I’ve had any sex worth a damn to really warrant it), but I’ve made a point of going to other clinics to avoid having to come back here. But today, the day I’d set aside to do some Christmas shopping and get my end of year STI tests done, this was the only clinic that had free slots.
The waiting room is the same as it ever was, grey and clean, clinically clean – the same bleach smell is stinging my nose, just as it did at 9:00am on the 4th August 2011. Repeats of Top Gear are playing on the TV. The memories of being sat out here nervously awaiting to be called into that small room are coming flooding back. The same feeling of anxiety is sweeping over me – but this time for no real reason, I’m only here for a general check-up.
Calm down Sam. Calm down.
14:54 nearly two hours later and I’m done. 75% of that was sat around in the waiting room, apparently they were working very unstaffed today. That couldn’t be helped.
I’ve been prodded, up top, down below and round the back. I’ve had blood and urine taken, such fun. Almost knee’d the poor nurse in the face as she did the penile swab – NOT FUN.
I’ll get results via text message in a week, not expecting anything out of the ordinary, I mean I’ve barely had any sex at all for months now. MONTHS. But better to be safe than sorry as they say. I was so glad to get out of there though, I just don’t like what time period of my life that clinic waiting room represents. No comment on the staff at all though, lovely people.
When were you last tested? Was it too long ago? Maybe you should make it a new year’s resolution? After all – what’s a little time out of your day for peace of mind?
Here’s to peace of mind, or what little mind I’ve got left!
Hello? Is this thing on? Good…
Today I’m talking about Gonorrhea, I’m sure you’ve all heard about it at some point or other, it’s commonly known as “the clap”.
Gonorrhea is one of the most common sexually transmitted sexually transmitted infections (STIs) but that doesn’t mean it isn’t something that should be taken seriously.
First up let’s look at the symptoms, (I hope you’ve not just eaten):
- A white-ish/green-ish discharge from your penis and/or arse
- Anal discomfort
- A burning sensation when you pee
- Inflamed foreskin
- Painful testicles and/or prostate gland
- A white-ish/green-ish thick discharge from your vagina and/or arse
- Anal discomfort
- A burning sensation when you pee
- Painful abdominal region
- Bleeding between periods
But just because you don’t have symptoms doesn’t mean you don’t have it, 10% of men and 50% of women are asymptomatic (show no symptoms at all).
How is Gonorrhea passed on?
- Unprotected anal or vaginal fucking
- Unprotected oral sex (including rimming, and going down on a girl)
- Sharing sex toys (without washing thoroughly or using a fresh condom each time)
- Fingering multiple partners (without washing thoroughly between each)
What happens if I don’t get it treated?
- In girls it can lead to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
Which can lead to fever, vomiting, abscesses and infertility amongst other things.
- In guys it can lead to a very serious and painful infection of the testicles.
How do I get tested?
- The most common methods of testing are a penile/anal/vaginal swab. A urine sample may also be taken.
What’s the treatment?
- Unlike most bacterial infections which are treated with oral antibiotics in the form of pills, Gonorrhea is treated by an injection of strong antibiotics directly into one of your ass cheeks.
Hopefully you’re all sensible people out there and going for routine STI screenings at your local GUM or Sexual Health Clinic, but if you haven’t been for a while maybe it’s time you popped down and got checked out. After all it’s not just Gonorrhea that’s out there is it? Don’t forget about chlamydia, LGV, syphilis, hepatitis (A, B and C) and of course HIV. If any of your results come back positive don’t forget to inform any recent sexual partners, if you don’t feel comfortable doing this most clinics will offer to do this for you anonymously.
Your health is in your hands, but you can only look after yourself if you know all the facts. If you need to find a clinic near you check out: www.tht.org.uk/sexual-health/Service-finder
Have a great weekend,
A few days ago I had the pleasure to meet a lovely guy with whom I was lucky enough to spend the night. Before anything even started to happen he told me that he’d recently contracted HPV. I was incredibly impressed that a) he’d been so upfront/honest with me, and b) he’d managed to tell me before I’d told him my HIV status.
So we had a chat about our various issues, both starting and ending with H and ending in V but all in all quite different conditions. Although I thought I was quite clued up on Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) I really didn’t know all that much about HPV. He explained a little, as did I about HIV.
Yesterday, being the curious soul that I am, I decided to do a little research into HPV. I’ve heard it mentioned here and there, especially into vaccinating school girls but that’s about it. I did some googling, I spoke to a sexual health nurse and my HIV consultant and below are some of my findings.
- HPV (Human papillomavirus) is the virus responsible for warts.
- There are currently 120 known strains of the virus.
- HPV is the most commonly transmitted STI in the entire world, (second in the UK behind Chlamydia)
- Approximately 80% of the population will contract a genital strain of HPV in their lifetime, with the 20-24 year old age being the most prevalent, although most will not show symptoms.
- Condoms provide some protection, but not complete protection as they do not cover the entire genital area.
- The human body will clear most HPV infections within 2 years naturally.
- Worldwide 5.2% of all cancers can be traced back to the HPV virus (largely anal and cervical cancers)
I asked my consultant whether I should get vaccinated against HPV and he told me that I’d have to pay to have it done privately as I don’t fall under the current NHS vaccination remit – and that it’d likely be wasted money as he’d bet I’ve already been exposed to at least one strain in the past.
It’s amazing such a common virus, one that will reach approximately 80% of us at some point is so unknown isn’t it?
Just another reason to go get checked eh? For more information check out the NHS page on HPV
All the best,
Two blog posts in one week? I know, I’m spoiling you, but read on…
Possibly the single biggest issue for me about being HIV+ isn’t my health, the medication etc, it’s actually the rejection that you can face when you tell someone your status.
One of the first people I ever disclosed my status to was a holiday romance. We’d been hanging out for a couple of days, drinking, swimming, holding hands etc, all very romantic. One afternoon I got a text asking me to spend the night with him at his hotel, I thought it only fair that I tell him my (fairly recently found) HIV status. That was one of the most difficult texts I ever had to send not just from my nervous clammy hands or the heart beating in my mouth.
He replied shortly saying that he was “OK with it”, but at the same time said that we’d have to postpone the night at the hotel because of plans with his friends. That was the last time we ever had a proper conversation. I tried chatting to him a couple of times after that, mostly he just ignored my calls/texts – the final time he answered but pretended to be someone else. I’d been well and truly rejected. Gutted.
Since that day I’ve had a policy of telling people I plan to sleep with/date as soon as possible. If someone messages me on Gaydar/Grindr asking for a fuck I have no problem saying right up front “By the way, I’m HIV+. I hope that’s not an issue?”. But as I found out last night it’s still pretty nerve-wracking telling someone you have feelings for.
Last night I agreed to go on a date with someone I’ve been talking to for a while. He’s very handsome, totally buff and a bit shorter than me. Amazing. Then it dawned on me that I was going to have to tell him. I decided to do it then and there, seeing as we were already chatting.
I said “In the spirit of openness and honesty I need to share something with you. Plus it saves us both heartache if it’s something you feel you can’t handle. Please be honest with me either way. I’m HIV positive”. Cue a ridiculously long wait. Why wasn’t he replying? Was it too much? Fuck, fuckity fuck.
He *eventually* replied “Hey, don’t stress about it. My ex had it, and we were together five years”. Overjoyed. He was absolutely fine with it and thanked me for being so honest. We’ve even planned our date for this Monday night coming.
Disclosing your status isn’t an easy thing to do, no matter how readily we might do it. All that we ask is that the people we tell are honest with us. If you’re uncomfortable being with someone that’s HIV+ then tell us (nicely!), we’d much rather that than being lied to – then ignored.
Since I started this blog and my Twitter account a couple of months ago I have been inundated with messages, comments and tweets from people asking me questions about HIV, and whilst I’m by no means an expert I always endeavour to answer them to the best of my ability – and where I can’t I’ll refer them to one of the authoritative websites (like NAM, or THT). Some of the questions are from genuinely curious people, asking how it affects my day to day life, what treatment programme I’m on or how I’m coping with it – to name just a few.
Other questions I get asked, however, are far more worrying. Today, for example, I was asked in an email:
“How do I know if I have HIV? What are the symptoms?”.
The only way to tell whether you’re HIV+ (that means you have contracted the HIV virus) is to GET TESTED.
Yes it can be nerve-wracking going to get tested, we’ve all been there “Oh I’ll do it next week, next month, oh I’m busy then, I’ll do it next month” – putting it off and off, but all you’re doing is making it more difficult to eventually go and find out. Using modern ‘FasTEST’ testing kits you can have your results in as little as 15 minutes and no needles. Just a tiny prick on the finger and that’s it.
With early diagnosis and proper treatment you can live just as long and just as well as anyone else. I’ve received amazing care and support, both from the NHS and the THT, and I’m looking forward to living into my old age with some handsome man.
I urge everyone who reads this, who isn’t HIV+ or hasn’t been tested recently, GO AND GET TESTED THIS WEEK. Maybe you’re looking for an easy to do New Year’s Resolution? This one will take just 15 minutes of your time and could save your life, and save the lives of those you love and/or play with.
There are centres up and down the country, in big cities, little towns, gay centres, NHS centres, charity centres – you could even do it on your lunch break or on the way home from work. Use the THT Clinic Finder to find your nearest clinic and carry through on your new resolution.
Love and best wishes,